u kwn what bitch shit aint all about u okay the fuck do u think i want u anywhere near my dick now we in the middle of a war with people fucking disappearing every other week i got socks & hand lotion and so much ohter bullshit wo some old leathery ex rearin out of the fuckin depths like cock riddled wit syphillis and jacked up piercing scars like hey u not havin a shit enough time kavinsky how u feel about a keen fucking reminder that i give zero fucks about how u doin besides u givin me what i want except i ain't even cool
[possibly a mild misunderstanding here what with lunch being one of those meals that vampires don't eat for multiple reasons, but you know, what could pppppossibly be more in-character than angry miscommunication.]
what hte fuck do you want from me seriously actual fuckin brunch zero fucks anymore playmate for ur preferred son, nico di angelo me 2 get rafa to stop bein pissed w you do u want me 2 dream a real live mark, is that ur thing now something magic fucking miracle 2 bring him to xist?
[kavinsky doesn't even reply. but at nine o' clock in the evening, there's a knock at the doorway, interrupting the repetitive susurrus of wind and sand and seawater outside. and through the peephole vex can see him. the vampire resting his shoulder against the doorframe, staring out into the night.]
[ Vex, clad in a tight black t-shirt and his leather trousers, opened the door with an odd sort of look on his face- as if he wasn't sure if Vinny was going to throw a stinkbomb at him and run, or something lkke that. ]
'ello, gorgeous. Alright then?
[ He motioned towards the living room in invitation. ]
[no stinkbombs. just a distressingly pretty young man in a leather jacket with disheveled hair. he stares at vex a minute too long, but fails to do anything horrifying. instead, he lopes into the house, pausing to look around. most things seem to be where he'd left them.]
Sure, [he says.] You got something to drink? [he moves over to a chair, slinging his skinny frame into it. there's a weird edge of energy to him. weirder than normal.]
[ He looked wary as he tapped his own neck a few times to signal what he was referring to. Because that's what vamps drank, right? So Vex felt the need to clarify.
Even so, he sat down on his couch and shook a few bottles of liquor before he found one with something in it, then offered that to Kavinsky. ]
[that's vaguely tempting, but just like he used to lose his appetite for pizza and real fucking food in certain depths of depression, kavinsky's guts don't find the want for blood as strong as it normally is now. his smile fits unevenly on his face when he accepts the liquor.
and he drinks straight from the neck of that instead. half of it gone. intoxication happens slowly for vampires, but at least it does happen.]
Hey, asshole, [he says when he's done.] C'mere. [and he grabs one of the faerie's hands, his own fingers as cold as normal but unusually clumsy.] Listen. I have to tell you some shit.
[ And his hand, which was far warmer in comparison. He leaned towards Kavinsky, expression curious but the wary edge of it still remained- as if he thought he might get randomly punched or bitten. It wouldn't be the first time... ]
[one of kavinsky's little fangs comes out, settling over his bottom lip. but he doesn't bite. his fingers tighten, but he doesn't rip out a punch.]
I'm in love with you, [he says.
it's the first time he's said those words to anyone. it'd never really occurred to him, in his madness, to tell them to ronan. caleb couldn't drag them out of him, not with all the effort and distraught he could bring to bear. it hadn't been that way with bliss; not quite.]
I got no fucking idea how it is with you and Mark, but I think I love you like you love him. Or pretty close. Dunno. It's some shit.
[ Vex had no reason to not believe Kavinsky's confession, though it reminded him more of Massimo than it did Mark. Mo, who always hurt him then hugged him and apologized, begged forgiveness and then hurt him all over again. Vex couldn't help but think of that right now as he stared at Vin and it made his chest ache. ]
I dunno, luv. I love you too, have for a long time, but it's not the same and I know that screws with your heart. I wanted to see how it'd go if we were together and I found out... you're a bloody lot like my son, and maybe that's how I love you. Maybe that's how I'll always love you, maybe not, I don't know.
[it's fair enough; kavinsky was never much like mark. maybe in the superficial way-- a little fuckboying, being pretty to look at. but mark had never been the type to hurt himself, never mind the people who he loved, and kavinsky's ball o' wax involves a delightfully terrible relationship with himself that ends up splattered over everyone else.
different these days to how he was. but still.
he stares at vex for a long moment. breathing in, breathing out.] Yeah, maybe we never had a chance. I'm too much of a shithead, Vex. You know it took me like three weeks to realize I killed some people during the invasion and I never done that before. I guess I didn't care. Thought I didn't care. But I want to be better. I think I have to. To be with someone— [like you, he almost says.] Who I give that many fucks about. [no. it's time to be brave, so there's a sticky beat's silence, then he amends,] To be with someone I really love like you.
[but eventually he can't look at vex anymore. he doesn't have the fortification of cocaine. not even alcohol works like it used to.] I'm sorry I fucked it up.
[ As Vex sat there and listened to this, all he could think of was 'let's start over then, it's what I've been saying this whole time!' That impulsive urge not to be lonely continued to gnaw at his gut, despite the fact that he'd been alone the majority of his life- Mark had left a big gaping hole in his chest he was desperate to fill. But somehow, through some small miracle, he didn't try to lure Kavinsky back into his arms. Instead, he took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. ]
Yeah. Look, you don't have to say sorry to me. We gave it a go, it didn't work the way we wanted it to. Let's not tear each other up about it anymore, alright? And honestly... I don't think about the people I've killed either.
[ It was a half-lie. There were many deaths he didn't remember, but there were also quite a few that haunted him. He wasn't going to get into that. ]
We're both shitheads, it's why we're mates. And I, yeah, I want to be better too. At least, I thought I did, I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure... Being 'good' isn't really everything I hoped for.
[somewhere in the toxic pit of his soul, kavinsky recognizes that this is a big fucking deal. it's a big fucking deal that vex is saying this, instead of trying to pull him back in, make believe like it would've been right by him, or them. like they could fuck and date and never mind the combusting mess of kavinsky's soul, and wait, and wait, and wait indefinitely for vex to decide if he felt the same. that that would be good enough, for more than the months that had already hurt him.
that kavinsky could handle it. and what are the chances, really? as violent as his temper is, as injured as he's been by all the other relationships that he never managed to claim as such. at least this time, he's broken up with his boyfriend. at least this time, he can say he's in love.
at least this time, his lover can look him in the eye and say he isn't. wasn't going to be just yet. at least this time, there aren't lies, punches, kidnapped little brothers. some sad fucking comfort.]
What did you hope for?
[it's by some herculean effort, that he asks a question about vex-- that has nothing to do with himself.]
[ The question caught him off guard because he honestly never expected Vin to ask him something like that. The shock only lasted for a few seconds before he pursed his lips thoughtfully, then shrugged. ]
Happily ever after?
[ It felt like a load of bollocks the moment it left his mouth, but the saddest part of it all was that he had truly hoped for it- even if it was only for a short time. ]
People like me don't get them, but... there was a moment there, with him, that I thought I might.
[it's like swallowing sawblades. bitter and painful in a way that would've made kavinsky spit, once. but now he just drinks the drink that i think somewhere vex made for him, listens to his heart pounding in his own head. the only people he knows who don't want that are the ones who just want to die.]
Would you be friends with him? If he showed the fuck up and that's what he wanted.
[ no, it was just a bottle of liquor which is close enough because it was the best Vex could do given the circumstances. He hadn't mixed a proper drink since Pandemonium. That was neither here nor there, as Kavinsky threw him a question that he didn't like. ]
Hypotheticals are shit, luv. He isn't showing up. But if you're asking me if I'd try to be "just friends" with someone I wanted something more from, I suppose I'm already doing that.
[the question is neatly sidestepped. kavinsky stares blankly into the space where it had stood. that's the answer, isn't it? better dead than friends. too difficult to conceptualize a universe where things were different. there are other versions to try-- different versions of mark, earlier timelines, even, but he doesn't. maybe at one point, they were the kinds of friends who could talk about things, but that clearly isn't in the cards now.]
Sure, [he says.] I'll see you around, Vex. Can I take this? [he taps the bottle.]
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no subject
shit aint all about u okay
the fuck do u think i want u anywhere near my dick now
we in the middle of a war with people fucking disappearing every other week
i got socks & hand lotion and so much ohter bullshit wo some old leathery ex rearin out of the fuckin depths like cock riddled wit syphillis and jacked up piercing scars like hey u not havin a shit enough time kavinsky how u feel about a keen fucking reminder that i give zero fucks about how u doin besides u givin me what i want
except i ain't even
cool
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better idea: crackers and cheese
to go with your whine
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[possibly a mild misunderstanding here what with lunch being one of those meals that vampires don't eat for multiple reasons, but you know, what could pppppossibly be more in-character than angry miscommunication.]
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i'll ring you later
stay pretty
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seriously
actual fuckin brunch
zero fucks anymore
playmate for ur preferred son, nico di angelo
me 2 get rafa to stop bein pissed w you
do u want me 2 dream a real live mark, is that ur thing now
something magic fucking miracle 2 bring him to xist?
no subject
i want you
has that not been clear enough or are you too busy fantsizing about my dead husband or whoever else i shag
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fine
sure
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theres this shityt british pub downt he block from where u live
meet u there tonight
9ish
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→ action;
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'ello, gorgeous. Alright then?
[ He motioned towards the living room in invitation. ]
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Sure, [he says.] You got something to drink? [he moves over to a chair, slinging his skinny frame into it. there's a weird edge of energy to him. weirder than normal.]
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[ He looked wary as he tapped his own neck a few times to signal what he was referring to. Because that's what vamps drank, right? So Vex felt the need to clarify.
Even so, he sat down on his couch and shook a few bottles of liquor before he found one with something in it, then offered that to Kavinsky. ]
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and he drinks straight from the neck of that instead. half of it gone. intoxication happens slowly for vampires, but at least it does happen.]
Hey, asshole, [he says when he's done.] C'mere. [and he grabs one of the faerie's hands, his own fingers as cold as normal but unusually clumsy.] Listen. I have to tell you some shit.
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[ And his hand, which was far warmer in comparison. He leaned towards Kavinsky, expression curious but the wary edge of it still remained- as if he thought he might get randomly punched or bitten. It wouldn't be the first time... ]
What's on your mind then?
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I'm in love with you, [he says.
it's the first time he's said those words to anyone. it'd never really occurred to him, in his madness, to tell them to ronan. caleb couldn't drag them out of him, not with all the effort and distraught he could bring to bear. it hadn't been that way with bliss; not quite.]
I got no fucking idea how it is with you and Mark, but I think I love you like you love him. Or pretty close. Dunno. It's some shit.
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I dunno, luv. I love you too, have for a long time, but it's not the same and I know that screws with your heart. I wanted to see how it'd go if we were together and I found out... you're a bloody lot like my son, and maybe that's how I love you. Maybe that's how I'll always love you, maybe not, I don't know.
You didn't really give me a chance.
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different these days to how he was. but still.
he stares at vex for a long moment. breathing in, breathing out.] Yeah, maybe we never had a chance. I'm too much of a shithead, Vex. You know it took me like three weeks to realize I killed some people during the invasion and I never done that before. I guess I didn't care. Thought I didn't care. But I want to be better. I think I have to. To be with someone— [like you, he almost says.] Who I give that many fucks about. [no. it's time to be brave, so there's a sticky beat's silence, then he amends,] To be with someone I really love like you.
[but eventually he can't look at vex anymore. he doesn't have the fortification of cocaine. not even alcohol works like it used to.] I'm sorry I fucked it up.
no subject
Yeah. Look, you don't have to say sorry to me. We gave it a go, it didn't work the way we wanted it to. Let's not tear each other up about it anymore, alright? And honestly... I don't think about the people I've killed either.
[ It was a half-lie. There were many deaths he didn't remember, but there were also quite a few that haunted him. He wasn't going to get into that. ]
We're both shitheads, it's why we're mates. And I, yeah, I want to be better too. At least, I thought I did, I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure... Being 'good' isn't really everything I hoped for.
no subject
that kavinsky could handle it. and what are the chances, really? as violent as his temper is, as injured as he's been by all the other relationships that he never managed to claim as such. at least this time, he's broken up with his boyfriend. at least this time, he can say he's in love.
at least this time, his lover can look him in the eye and say he isn't. wasn't going to be just yet. at least this time, there aren't lies, punches, kidnapped little brothers. some sad fucking comfort.]
What did you hope for?
[it's by some herculean effort, that he asks a question about vex-- that has nothing to do with himself.]
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Happily ever after?
[ It felt like a load of bollocks the moment it left his mouth, but the saddest part of it all was that he had truly hoped for it- even if it was only for a short time. ]
People like me don't get them, but... there was a moment there, with him, that I thought I might.
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Would you be friends with him? If he showed the fuck up and that's what he wanted.
[he keeps his face still. he watches vex's face.]
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Hypotheticals are shit, luv. He isn't showing up. But if you're asking me if I'd try to be "just friends" with someone I wanted something more from, I suppose I'm already doing that.
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Sure, [he says.] I'll see you around, Vex. Can I take this? [he taps the bottle.]
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