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[kavinsky laughs easily at that. he isn't laughing at josh, he's laughing with him. he feels pretty good right now. physiologically. you should always roll with a biokinetic, apparently. free healings, to go with the silly things that people say.]

What if, [kavinsky says.] What if you're describing yourself, huh?

[he touches the tip of josh's nose. boop! then grasps his chin, giving the golden boy's head a wiggle. he is himself not very brave. excruciatingly terrible with people. sporadically good with words, at best. mostly just offensive, at best, a good liar. but he does have nice clothes. that is a fact.]

You know what takes real courage, bruh.

Nah.

[ well. maybe. kind of. but in the way that he absorbs the best and worst traits of his friends like a sponge, because he's a follower and david alleyne can attest to seeing the dramatic wardrobe shifts he goes through, depending on who's calling his shots. ]

I am a charming asshole.

[ but he's laughing, not putting any resistance into the manhandling. ]

What's that?

[kavinsky lets go of josh's head. it's like flinging around a golden retriever. gold-plated retriever.]

Refusing to do shit out of guilt.

[kavinsky steals josh's drink out of his hand to take a sip, then pushes it back into the biokinetic's fingers.] Yo.

And I ain't saying that like you fucked up before. I'm saying it like it was too hard then. [and there might never be a next time. for better and not for worse, that shit doesn't really happen here, in this world. he takes a mouthful of his own drink.]

[ he considers it. leaning back against the couch again now that he's free from the reach of his hands, bringing the glass to his lips. ]

It wasn't...

[ that. yes it was. it's hard to hold onto the negative when he feels like this. he brings his glass back up to his lips, takes a long drink. guilt has a lot to do with it, but it wasn't that.

and then: ]

Life and death are two sides of the same coin. I can create and I can destroy... there's not really anything I can't do, other than die. What do you do when someone like that decides they're done playing by the rules? I could wipe humanity out in an instant by getting a little creative.

[ he swishes the glass. ]

I didn't want to join the X-Force because I didn't want to feed the part of me that showed up that day. I didn't want to know because I knew if I did... [ he gives a weak laugh. ] Who could stop me?

[whats an ex-force. kavinsky doesn't ask. 'death squad hit team thing, related to dude named scott,' he presumes. does it only have people who dated each other in it, or is it 'x,' like the 'x-men,' and also, is the x just a reaction to 'a-team?' what's wrong with 'a team.' x sounds algebraic. or xenophobic.

but that's neither here nor there.]

Very noble, Foley, [kavinsky says. there's no overt mockery in his voice. it is noble, for all that that matters in this world or any other.] So did you join because dude guilt-tripped you, or you secretly wanted to feed the beast after all?

[whatever it was, it feels terrible now. abstracted and fizzy, a prism containing a half-dozen rainbows projecting at different angles.]

[ god. he blows out a breath. ]

I saw some stuff I shouldn't have because they brought me in to heal my ex. Like... yanked me out of bed at school, took me to this creepy mansion, and then kept me there just in case. Rahne'd been overdosed with heroin - which you should never do, by the way - and she needed me. But she was... she was super messed up when she came to. Totally out of control. So they didn't let me go home.

[ he scrubs his forehead, like he's trying to remember. ]

Wouldn't let me leave or contact my friends. And Laura -- a friend of mine -- was like, yeah they'll probably waste you because you've seen too much. So I called in a favor with these psychic triplets I was, uh, friendly with. And they were all good to erase my memory, but...

[ but... ]

This dude was paid to steal something called the Legacy Virus. Its a plague that targets mutants. The next thing I know we're kidnapping this guy, and they're like, it's cool Josh you're on standby. And they were like, no, actually, give this guy brain cancer so he'll do what we want him to. So I gave the guy brain cancer.

Then when we were actually on the mission to get the virus back, Laura -- she got infected, and she was going to kill herself to make sure it didn't spread, and I... She tried to jump into molten metal and I grabbed her and burned the virus out of her.

[ ... ]

It wasn't a guilt trip. I just saw that if I wasn't there, Laura'd end up dying because nobody gave a shit or looked after us. Somebody had to watch her back... just kinda sucks that she didn't watch mine back.

[a server floats by, and kavinsky requests a blanket. they get him one. it's a big silvery fuzzy thing, like a soft boneless animal that wraps itself friendly around josh's shoulders. cuddles is good when you're rolling. blankets, yourself. other people is best, of course, but kavinsky isn't a terribly cuddly person and

he suspects he's not supposed to call laurie. not just yet, anyway.

kavinsky picks up a corner of the big hazy blanket. then he picks up josh's hand with his other, and meticulously wraps the little gold extremity up, until it's a nub like a baby seal's li'l flipper. he does this with the other one too. he holds josh's drink for him, but pauses before feeding him some.]

That chick, [kavinsky observes.] was a raging bitch.

[they all sound like raging bitches, really.

mdma doesn't usually fuck with a person's pronunciation. he really hopes that he's not mixing laurie and laura up, to some horrific effect. he squeezes josh's seal nub hand and then gives him a bit of vodka.] I dunno, man. Sounds like you guilt-tripped yourself, but what do I know, I don't got real friends. [he flashes teeth, nudges josh with his arm.] What was it, if it weren't guilt?

Don't say 'love,' Foley, [he adds, his eyes laughing.] I'll believe it's just the drugs talking.

Edited (I SHALL MAKE HIM SAY IT OUT LOUD) 2020-01-15 06:04 (UTC)

I just want to protect the people I care about.

[ oh dude. dude? dude. dude this blanket. we're going to pause the heavy emotional talk to pet this fucking blanket and not think about laura. distractedly petting the bits his fingers can touch. ]

We're real friends. [ he says, nudging back when he has the sense to. ] If you were in a bind? I'd do the same thing.

[ and the kicker: he'd known laura for less time than he's known joseph kavinsky. he barely registers how flat he is about all of this. partly because of the high, but mostly because mutants are all old souls who are numb to this bullshit. ]

[kavinsky carefully moves to insert the cup of alcohol in between josh's seal nub mitts. hopefully it will stay there and not end up all down josh's front. maybe?]

What, so I can be another sad footnote in your long-ass medical drama? [kavinsky asks, poking fun, gently, because it seems safe enough to do that right now.] 'I had Kavinsky's back. Sucks he didn't have mine.'

[that sounds like the tagline to every friendship he had in henrietta. even the ones that didn't end with a corpse laying facedown in a puddle of vom. but he's smiling; he doesn't mean it. not really.]

Conclusion: protecting the people you care about ain't worth it. But not doing it is even worse. I can live with that if you can, Foley.

[ he'll take baby sips like a toddler and we'll all hope for the best. he's kinda got this. ]

Not to get, like, extra depressing? But you've had my back more than most people ever have.

[ his life has been a series of disappointments, really. ]

I get why people don't act, or why things had to go down the way they do. Just, after, when they act like nothing happened? That pisses me off. Don't just act like it's chill. It's not chill.

[kavinsky suspects that most of the above-mentioned people would have given josh more if it were so easy to do so. kavinsky's material resources are functionally endless. would he be here if it weren't easy? if he hadn't come to realize that it was necessary, in some obscure way, for long-term happiness, a lasting satisfaction, beyond the short-term gratifications he were used to seeing.

one of those things he doesn't particularly want to find out. he doesn't look worried about it right now, studying josh's face.]

Okay. But right now it's chill, [he says.] Right? Look, you can kind of see that dude's dong through his-- wait, you're in a relationship. Don't look. [he reaches over to plant his hand over josh's face, his other one moving to shield the drink from falling.]

Edited (words) 2020-01-15 07:37 (UTC)

[ he laughs. maybe it's the drugs (probably) but being able to vent this shit to someone not directly involved in it is kind of liberating. ]

Dude! I'm a doctor. I see people's junk all day. [ it's slightly different at a sexy club when he's high as hell but you know. ] You don't need to protect my virgin eyes.

You're dating your dead ex, [kavinsky says.] If anybody's got a chance at rehymenating their eye virginity, it's you.

[but he drops his hand from josh's eyes, so that he can retrieve his own drink. half of it disappears almost immediately. he leans back on the slanting lounger, letting his knees skew apart. tips his head back to look up at the lights, fish, swimmers.]

I don't like it either. When people pretend nothing happened.

I'm gonna be rehymenating a lot more than just my eyes.

[ which is a ridiculous fucking sentence but, uh, regrowing people's bodies is in his future? so many people are gonna be revirginated. his brain to mouth filter is a little off right now.

said eyes are doing their best not to wander. but it's easy for him to focus on the fish and the patterns of light through the waves. but he pulls his gaze away to look at his friend. ]

You got that problem too?

[josh sees it when kavinsky's face goes 😒, a grimace toward the mermen above as relex for the concept of being rehymenated. did you just rehymenate me. he's not going to ask. he has learned two percent restraint since he came to this world, how to not ask for information that he doesn't want.]

Yeah. But I also don't like talking about shit. Expressing feels. Having debates or arguments. Usually. I just fuck off and find new roommates.

[there's a half-smile.] It's worked out pretty good so far. [he holds up two tattooed fingers.] Twice.

[ ha ha ha what's it the kids on bwitter say? ]

That's a big mood.

[ his eyes drift shut for a moment. ]

Eventually, you run outta places to run to. Or someone finally gives enough of a shit to come get you.

[there's a twinkle in kavinsky's eye, deceptively mellow. he glances over at josh, then raises his glass to the other boy's for an apparent toast. whjcb will hopefully go ok despite seal nubs.]

How the fuck did you think I get the new roommates?

[ it goes

about as well as you can expect with seal nubs and tingly finglies. at least it doesn't fall and get shattered and slosh absolutely everywhere. ]

I mean the old ones. If they can. [ he brings the glass back up to his lips. ] Friends come get you.

[there is some terrible irony in this: that kavinsky gave up the memory of the day ronan did exactly that. drove out into the boonies to track him down, where he'd been dreaming john murphy's botched zombie clone. taken him home to the meadows, so he could say in murphy's old room.

these days, he only knows -- intellectually -- that it must have happened. the text messages are there. and he remembers losing the room, obviously.

but here he only smiles, because of course he does. ditches his empty cup on the cushions.] You trying to give me back already? [he asks.] It's been like a fucking month. You're like those dicks who buy chicks and baby bunnies for Easter. Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

Uh, no, if you leave who will gang up on David with me? They can fight me for you.

[ actually kylo ren could probably crush him like a grape. what the fuck does that guy eat? they should not fight him. he would lose. ]

You can't walk a cat so I gotta go with dogs.

[kavinsky's face crinkles up with laughter. this is an entertaining fantasy scenario. he who was once the misshapen thing found in the alleyway, and no one could figure out if he was bald from disease or born that way, promoted to proper housemate.

but no they shouldn't fight kylo ren. bad idea all around.]

You never 'gang up' on David, [kavinsky says.] He's ya boy. [but he's grinning, and smushing the blanket up on josh's chest.]

If David was a dog what kind of dog would he be, and why?

I drag him all the time!

[ with love. lovingly dragging. ]

Uh... A boxer, probably? Like, the big super smart kinda dog that'll take someone's arm off for messin' with you.

[yes. it's a horrifying amount of love to be around.]

What kind of dog is Laurie?

[kavinsky pillows his cheek on his arm and peeks.]

Oh, hm...

[ now he has to think. very very seriously. this is a serious topic. ]

Like... a Greyhound. Like - crazy fast, but also like super gentle and quiet? That's Laurie. Uh, replace powerful with fast. Because, like, greyhounds will totally just chill and watch life chase them by unless they got something to chase? And, like, that's Laurie. If she's got a goal she's gonna reach it.

[ he's feeling good now, and unfortunately: josh is a talker. ]

She used to be so shy in highschool, man. No idea how pretty she was. Or, like, smart? And talented? God.

That's very gay. And straight, [kavinsky says.] Simultaneously. [he laughs.

then he reaches over to extricate josh's glass from his nubs. by now, it's empty. he's being his best self right now, which means not mentioning what he's heard happens to greyhounds once they age out of the track. yikes. a dark fate for sweet, goal-oriented creatures.]

How about Rahne. Is that rude? [he recalls she was a werewolf.] Do it anyway. [his best self is still not that good.]

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